Sunday, February 12, 2012

Damn You, Angry Birds!

Last July, I finally decided to step into the right decade and upgrade my cell phone. This was precipitated only because I had to change cell providers, and this was because my cell provider didn’t extend to the wilds of northwest Georgia. I actually had not intended to get an iPhone, because, I surely didn’t need all that nonsense on my phone, BUT AT&T gave me a rockin’ deal on one, and after looking at it and determining how totally cool it really was, I caved.

Soooo, around Christmas I decided that it may be time to actually set the phone up to do what it was intended to do. That is, play music and games, right? Oh, and all those really cool apps, too. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have done it even then if I hadn’t received an iTunes gift card for Christmas.

First I checked out the free games and downloaded Jetpack, which is really kind of fun in a crash and burn sort of way. One really needs to be feeling energetic in order to play this, though. The other free one was a modernized version of Atari’s Pong, which is also fun if you’re looking for something less strategic.

Then, on a whim, I decided to burn 99 cents of my gift card on Angry Birds. Hello! There is something quite charming about those little birds, each with their own special powers, jumping and doing backflips, as they wait their turn to catapult to their deaths in order to save their eggs from the evil green pigs. I hate to admit this, but it took me a long time to figure out that those creatures were actually pigs. (Hanging head in shame.)

Well, it didn’t take long to fall under the Angry Birds spell. And, like an addict, I used every free moment to satisfy my AB craving. The only thing that kept me in check was that the game blazes through battery life. I also started noticing that my neck and shoulders were starting to hurt. Seriously, I was only using my fingers, so what gives here? Then I realized that every time I sling-shotted one of those birds I would tense up until the moment of impact in anticipation of death and destruction.

Then, after repeated attempts, successfully destroying pigs through what seems to be a gazillion levels, AB added insult to injury, taunting me with the ol’, “Congratulations, you made it, but you’re just not good enough, because you didn’t get the coveted three stars on every level. Go back and try again, you big loser!” Grrr. But, being defiant and strong-willed I said, “To hell with you, I don’t need a stinkin’ three stars to make me feel superior about laying waste to a bunch of smirking green pigs and sacrificing a bunch of innocents birds in the process.”

So, I carried on and finally made it through every level of every section. Done, finished…I can get on with my life, right? But that taunt was rattling around in my subconscious…I succumbed. Again, hanging my head in shame, but I now have the coveted three stars in every level of Poached Eggs. One down, six more to go. I need a break!

Damn you Angry Birds and your vile three star Kool-Aid!

(Oh, and you’ll be happy to know that I now have 269 songs on my iPhone's iPod and one book on my iPhone's iBook app…just call me i-Girl!)


Betty and Dale Smith said...

Hahahaha..I love watching Beckett, who is still 3 by the way, slingshot those birds. I am glad he does not know about the 3 stars...he just likes to do the slingshot and watch what happens! You are so techno...I am jealous!

ggminton said...

Am still trying to conquer Solitaire on the computer

You go I-Girl

Anonymous said...

i never understood the point of that game... now i do... what can this mean?!

Anonymous said...

Bunny says:
What's an iPhone :-)